Home is where the housework is
It is eerie, isn’t it, that my sister has a large stash of Danubio Style, the very same furry yarn that I deputized my friend to snag shameful quantities of at the Knit Out. Could there be something genetic in the attraction to brightly colored hairy yarn?
Is there anything we can do to avoid passing on this gene to our offspring?
On a related note (that is, the note of shameful yarn acquisition), the spirit of honesty forces me to make an accounting of the yarn that I have acquired since going on the so-called “yarn diet.” I shall proceed mathematically:
Four hanks of Nature Cotton.
Four balls of Danubio Style. Yessiree, there are four.
And what’s this? Two new balls of Trekking XXL, shown here enjoying their morning latte. I tell you, these yarns just move right in and make themselves at home.
Math is not my strong suit, but if I do not miss my mark, that makes ten total new balls of yarn. Where Operation Yarn Asceticism called for zero.
I find myself now thinking fondly of my dear uncle, who is always explaining his latest diet to you.
“Ellen,” he’ll say, while popping a massive bite of chocolate cake into his mouth and washing it down with a swig of port, “this is a great new diet. I’m cutting out all alcohol and sweets and most bread.”
Which brings us full circle…straight back to the genetic explanation.
Icarus is finally getting his feathers:
The excitement Chez Wax Wings ‘R Us can barely be contained.
But now we must turn to a darker topic: housework. While Alex was studying for his big exam—which he passed yesterday, praise be!—the house has descended further and further into chaos and savagery, particularly in those areas that are in his chore bailiwick.
Not exactly surprising and certainly forgivable.
However, at some point during the post-exam celebrations yesterday, my friend Dawn and I had this unsettling conversation:
Me: Oh, ha, ha, you know the house is a wreck because Alex has been so busy with this exam. I can’t wait for him to do his backlog of chores now that this is over! We’ve been living in degradation and savagery for the past two weeks.
Dawn: He actually does chores? Huh. I don’t mean to scare you because I know you guys are getting married next summer, but I don’t know a single married woman whose husband does his fair share of the housework. Personally, I had to spend the first two years of our marriage fighting with my husband just to get him to do minimal chores. And when was the last time he made me something to eat? I can’t even remember!
Me: Really? You mean this is really going to get worse after we’re married?
Dawn: Well, I don’t know. I’m just telling you my experience.
Now, you all know that I’m not exactly Heloïse myself, but I try to keep things above the level of chaos and savagery. Is Dawn’s dark prediction likely to come true?
Married women readers, what are your experiences?
Is Alex just doing chores now and executing unpleasant tasks like clearing off the Sunporch of the Damned as part of a nefarious plan to fool me into believing that we will have an equal partnership? When actually I will be stuck either doing everything in the house myself or having to argue about it constantly?
Is there any consensus on this topic? Do tell.
September 27th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
My husband and I had an agreement before we were married – I wouldn’t do toilets. Well, this translated into – no one does toilets. My advice, hire a maid.
September 27th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
Noticed that yesterday Sarah’s post was TRUE CONFESSIONS. This response probably falls under that title also.
Before Daddy and I were married, I occasionally played golf with him. I had my own set of clubs–secondhand though they were. But once we were married, I never set foot on another golf course intending to play. I have walked a few rounds with him.
Perhaps that’s the other side of the failure-to-do-housework-after-marriage controversy. Although golf never comes around as often as floors are dusty or toilets unhealthily dirty
Congrats on your orals, Alex! You done good!
September 27th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
Yay Alex! Woo hoo!!! Chocolate cake and port for everyone!
Chores, hmmmmmmmm. I’m going to go with hire a maid. Although my dad has always done chores, but he’s an anomaly.
Here’s a thought. Alex does chores; Ellen knits him cool stuff. Alex doesn’t do chores; Ellen knits cool stuff for herself. Either way, Ellen gets to knit cool stuff, and when one is knitting it is easy to ignore dust bunnies and dishes overtaking the house.
And think of how much yarn you would have acquired had you not had a yarn deprivation policy.
September 27th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
Things will MOST definitely change after marriage. It doesn’t matter how enlightened men appear to be (you work, he works, we split the housework, etc.) that will disappear after you say I do. It might be slowly, but it will go. They have this gene, you know, woman keeps house!!! man does “manly” things – which include watching TV constantly with occasional questions about where his meals are. My husband and I had this deal – he did the laundry (by which I mean the towels and jeans and his underwear because he sorts “dirty” and “clean”. So you can see NOTHING important of mine goes in there.) and I would do the cooking. He has since tried to sidestep the laundry. My solution is to 1.) just leave the washer til it overflows; and 2.) cook less and less and have sandwiches a lot. But the most important thing we (I) decided right away – hire a housekeeper (maid, whatever). I’m willing to spend one day’s wages to pay to have the house cleaned once a week. Although we have our own business and it comes out of petty cash. It’s absolutely the best money I have ever spent.
It also avoids any fusses about what’s not done cause I just blame it on her!
Ruth
September 27th, 2006 at 6:45 pm
Hmm, I couldn’t figure out where to e-mail this to, so… I thought you might enjoy this video if you haven’t seen it already ^^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ZjMWLqJvM
Take care,
~LAEvanesce
September 27th, 2006 at 8:10 pm
Just wanted to weigh in with my experience. Our roles have changed since we’ve been married, but I wouldn’t say that they’ve become worse. How do you say….well, we end up playing chicken, each according to our own schedule. If I’m busy, then I don’t get my laundry done. If he’s busy, he might run out of underwear. And if the other isn’t busy, you might get a gift of clean laundry. As for cleaning (i.e., bathrooms), we hired a cleaner, because neither of us wanted to do it. And clutter? Well, let’s just say we play chicken with that too. Whoever is bugged the most, clears it or stacks it, or puts it on the clutter owner’s side of the bed. On top. The mystery is how many things appear in my house that don’t seem to “belong” to anyone – flyers about a concert? Well, they should stay on the counter where we’ll see it. Until it gets buried. Was that your flyer or mine? Nobody’s. Ugh. Date passes, and then if we’re lucky, we do archeaology and throw it out.
September 27th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
I have found that I need to ask DH to help out. He will, but it just doesn’t occur to him to do on his own.
September 28th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
This was my experience also. I did have a good man, when it came to chores; he would generally pick up if I was excited about it. I.e., I get home and say, “Wow! Who cleaned up? Thank you, babe!” But unpleasant tasks got left for me. I would go with talking about what each of you absoultely DOES NOT want to do, then get someone to just do those things for you. It worked out okay for us, because he hates laundry (I love it) and I HATE dishes (he didn’t mind it). The relationship didn’t work out for other reasons, but I’ve found if you expect him to do his share, and be encouraging when he does, it works out fine. Should we have to do all that work for a clean house? No. But constantly arguing about it (or worse, simmering til you boil over) breaks down the relationship. And of course, do your share!
September 29th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
well, my husband regularly leaves coffee mugs in the SHOWER and trash in the KITCHEN SINK and i can’t even remember the last time he spontaneously cleaned something. he was a slob before we got married, and i should have realized he would always be a slob. i think that if alex is reasonably responsible in this area now, he’ll probably stay that way. plus, he seems like an extra-nice guy.
October 1st, 2006 at 7:24 pm
David is much better at getting his chores done than I am. No need to abandon hope yet!
October 8th, 2006 at 6:48 am
Heck, I’ll take some credit. Ask him what it was like growing up; who did what. Heh. – N. Machiavelli