The lifelong learner
My father and I have a running joke (one of many, it should be pointed out) about the burdens of being a “lifelong learner.” We’ve often thought how great it would be if we could just declare that by golly, we know what we know, we’re sure of it, we don’t have to think about it anymore, we don’t have to defend our beliefs against counterargument, and we don’t have to read or learn anything new ever.
Wouldn’t that be restful?
Actually one of my grandmothers was exactly that sort of person, may the good Lord rest her soul, and she was one of the most incorrigible people you’d ever run across. When I think of her, I am, alas!, led inescapably to this comedy routine by Moms Mably, on the subject of a not-excessively-well-loved husband who has at last passed on to his reward:
They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ bad about the dead. (Pause.)
He’s dead. Good!
I accept that I will probably go to hell.
In the meantime, however, my father and I are, I’m afraid, condemned to an exhausting existence of constant self-improvement and enlightenment. Our burden, friends, is heavy. Why, just this past week, I have learned so many new things!
I have prepared a list, as it happens, because I anticipated that you might like to help me shoulder the weighty load of this new knowledge. What’s that? Oh, good! I knew you would…
Item 1: It is more blessed to give Jade Sapphire Mongolian 2-ply Cashmere mitts than to knit them for yourself.
Even as we speak, these are wending their way through the holiday mail to their intended recipient.
Item 2: That said, it is nonetheless a thing of incomparable joy to make a pair for yourself.
One down, one to go…
Item 3: The existence of cashmere has been used in rigorous philosophical discourse to prove the existence of God.
Item 4: It will be easier for those members of your household who were born and raised in California to tolerate a stringent “energy conservation” program during the New England winter if they have handknit wool socks.
One and a third down, two-thirds to go…
Item 5: It is a little known fact that the native language of the Californian includes forty-seven different words for “surfboard,” but no word for “storm window.”
Item 6: Thanks to Blogless (or is that “blogfree?”) Kristy, I learned this week that some scientists think that modern day people are a tad more zaftig than their ancestors because they live in a comfortable temperature year round through the amazing technologies of air conditioning and heating. The theory is that if you are in an environment that is too cold (or too hot, for that matter) you will burn more calories. Given that Chez Mad Dog we only have the faintest suggestion of heating this winter, Kristy has argued that I may yet be able to “drop a dress size” before the wedding.
Dearly beloved, could science have produced more welcome knowledge for the blushing and fleshy bride-to-be? I daresay not!
Item 7: Trekking XXL comes in this colorway:
Buying this yarn is like spurning the nice guy in your high school class to go out with the black-leather wearing, Harley-Davidson riding bad boy. You know it’s wrong and nothing good can come of it, but you just can’t resist.
Item 8: I have eight projects in process right now. I have counted them, you see. I feel proud of the restraint this number reflects. Had I guessed off the top of my head, I probably would have ball-parked it at about seventeen.
Item 9: Graduate school is grinding, soul-destroying, and miserable. Sometimes you really, really, really want to quit. But the shame of quitting four and a half years into a six (or seven, but who’s counting?) year program is so great that you quickly dismiss the idea and begin working on an elaborate scheme for faking your own death to avoid having to spend another two years on your degree.
It seems like a completely reasonable solution at the time.
Item 9a (corollary to Item 9): Nobody has any patience when graduate students, who have so many reasons to count themselves among the fortunate in this life, whine and complain. It’s boring and self-indulgent. Worse yet, it’s a cliché. So shut up, Ellen.
Item 10: If you are going to write a 300-page dissertation, your first step—and this expert advice, by the way, has a monumental success rate—is to put your butt in a chair.
When I finish my dissertation, I’m going to write an advice book for other dissertation writers that includes this staggering insight.
Item 11: Although I knew this before, I was reminded again that our blog readers are the best! I’m sure that you are all lifelong learners. So…what did you learn this week? Please share.
December 8th, 2006 at 12:34 am
I learned that my fiancee is certifiably OCD. This fish tank we got last weekend…? He’s obsessively testing the water, fretting about PH level and stuff, and… well… I’d have thrown the fish in by now, for better or for worse.
Oh, and I did learn some tricks to getting clean curved cuts on a wet saw. Gotta love working at Lowe’s, huh?
December 8th, 2006 at 6:42 am
I learned that my daughter is much more grown up than I sometimes give her credit for. She has valid, reasoned opinions on a lot of the big questions in life and has decided she want to do a Physics degree at uni when she completes her “A”levels next year. I also learned that I am going to have to start saving for the fees! 🙂
December 8th, 2006 at 8:02 am
1. I learned that Trekking XXL comes in a color that looks like cotton candy and bubble-gum on an acid trip. I think. I’ve never taken acid. But it seems a workable theory, at least.
2. Despite this, it’s a fascinating color, in kind of a horrific yet impelling accident-on-the-freeway sort of way. I can actually see socks in that colorway with navy trousers. Mind you, I might be kinda cross-eyed, but I can see it, and it looks…bad-ass.
3. Personally, when my butt (and the rest of me) started wildly growing sideways at age 24 or so, after I’d stopped living on a farm, riding horses, chucking bales of hay about and other such-like dainty tasks, and had become a sackatary, I deduced the following: When one’s ancestors were probably peasants who worked their asses off in the fields every second of daylight possible, evolved to survive on starvation wages by preserving any calories offered as well as grabbing every chance to gorge on any bounty that fell their way (likely due to poaching, theft, and other life-enhancing behaviors), one’s body becomes a highly efficient energy saver. If you aren’t doing hard physical labor, but instead are sitting in a chair most of the day, you *will* get fat.
4. I’d like to have some serious discussion about their breeding habits with my peasant ancestors. Think about your descendants, for god’s sake.
5. I have no willpower, because after learning #3, did I start a rigorous system of diet and exercise? Hell, no. Besides, the bod hangs onto every fat molecule like grim death. What? We’re not eating? Starvation is imminent, guard the fat! No, increase it! Anything!
6. I hate exercise. With a passion. Endorphins, my overly-padded ass.
7. I seem to have butts on the brain; sorry. Blame it on Rabbitch. 😉
8. “A short life and a merry one” can be a good motto.
9. Simply Socks is a nasty, evil, dangerous, highly-addictive online store. (www.simplysockyarn.com) I’ve just received my first order and I know this already.
10. It’s dangerous asking me open-ended questions. I’ll answer.
December 8th, 2006 at 8:27 am
Oops. That should be ‘survive on starvation *rations*’ in #3. What wages? Peasants don’t get wages.
Addendum – #11. I can be pedantic. [g]
December 8th, 2006 at 10:22 am
I’ve learned that cold cereal for dinner isn’t a sign of being a bad mommy if it keeps you from running naked down the street out of frustration because your kids won’t eat the gourmet food you’ve worked all day to prepare.
December 8th, 2006 at 11:00 am
I have learned that upon reaching a certain age, it is inevitable that assistants (previously known as clerks) in retail stores will refer to you as “honey” or even (gag) “darling.” I have also learned that is also true of the waitstaff (previously known as waiters and waitresses). I am trying to learn that is now a fact of my life. I have also learned that upon my reaching a certain age all of my medical personnel (previously known as doctors and nurses) are likely to begin sentences with “For a person of your age. . . .” Furthermore, I have learned that my energy for setting people straight has diminished. If it had not, I would embark upon a “setting them straight campaign.”
December 8th, 2006 at 12:28 pm
I have learned that people, when placed behind the wheel of a car, become incredibly stupid.
That yes, it is possible to knit until your fingers actually fall off,
and that it’s horribly hard to type with no fingers.
I also learned (or was reminded) how much I love SOME Christmas music!
December 8th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
I’ve learned that thinking about what I’ve learned this week really makes me thankful for all the nice things that happened that I might not have considered too much otherwise. It was a meta-learning.
I learned that it’s useful to go buy light bulbs when the first (or second!) of three burns out. Otherwise you might end up taking a shower in the dark.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
1. I learned that the Nordstrom bra fitter envies my torso length. Something about how when gravity takes over (or, er. well, finishes taking over – it has already started), it will be longer before mine are riding around my waist. So, that was good news.
2. I learned that sometimes persistence in the face of difficult, road-blocky people can sometimes pay off quite nicely.
3. I learned that if you make your PPT slidedeck look nice, you can actually get away with rolling out of bed 7 minutes before you present it.
4. I learned that I’m better at my job than I thought I was.
5. I learned that Washington Mutual bank is staffed by trained monkeys. Wait, no, that’s an insult to trained monkeys.
6. I learned how to do picture framing at one of those custom frame shops.
7. I learned that my formerly non-unioning leg fracture has finally “jumped the gap” yay! And that my orthopedist is not above asking his patient for advice about his PDA.
Those are the highlights for this week.
December 8th, 2006 at 3:47 pm
I have learned that 5 years is how long I can ignore a huge dusty pile of crap in my office.
I have learned that I dislike filing so much that I will clean down to the cabinet top that dusty pile of crap I have been ignoring for five years.
I have learned that I am still inhibited by fear and perfectionism.
I have learned that once I notice that, I am capable of change.
I have learned for the eleventy millionth time that self knowledge is a worthwhile pursuit.
I have learned that I am one of the 55% of people to whom this:
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
is completely legible.
What are you studying anyway?
December 8th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
That Trekking XXL has haunted me all day – I hope it knits up better than it looks in the skein.
December 8th, 2006 at 8:57 pm
Aw, cmon, Deb. That’s a little harsh on that poor little ball of yarn, doncha think?
And Juno, I too can read that paragraph! Very interesting. To answer your question, I study history of science. It is a fine discipline that explores many important questions. Most of the time I enjoy the work. Sometimes not.
And to everyone who has commented so far…thanks for playing! It’s been great fun to hear what you’ve learned this week. I feel positively enlightened.
December 12th, 2006 at 5:40 pm
hi ellen….. i dont have your email address! wanted to send you a quick question, and forgot to ask you for it yesterday (when you unceremoniously interrupted my malabrigo reorganizing…).
I also want to defend your purchase of Trekking – I have the same colorway! perhaps we should knit something at the same time with it and see how different if can be….
today i learned that nothing is ever as easy as you would like it to be.
December 12th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Thank you, Kat! I like that particular Trekking XXL colorway. I always did and I still do…