Resolutions for 2007
Monday, January 1st, 20071. I will not use clichés in my writing, speech, or thinking. Like, for instance, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
2. I may still use colorful sayings garnered from the Southern branch of our family in my writing, speech, and thinking. Like, for instance, “Uncle Billy was so tight he wouldn’t pay a dime to watch a gnat stretch its ass over an elephant’s head.”
I acknowledge that I may be thrown out of finer establishments and more refined homes for using these colorful sayings.
3. I will cultivate peace between warring nations, peoples, landlords and tenants, dogs and cats, cats and their stepmothers, and all other living creatures.
Much to their chagrin, they were caught being good, and charitable towards one another.
Whaddya think you’re lookin’ at, biped?
4. At some point in 2007, I will finish this sweater, which is so lovely that I can’t imagine why I didn’t complete it earlier.
The delightful Bristow from Knitty.
5. At some point in 2007, I will finish said sweater and this currently extremely unpromising-looking afghan.
6. At some point in 2007, I will finish said sweater, and said unpromising-looking afghan, and make mates for these:
They’re tired of being single, frankly. When the glove joined Match.com, I knew something had to be done.
7. For the first time in my life, I will attempt to design a sweater for myself. I have begun in a perfectly orthodox fashion with this little swatch, proving that I am only foolhardy up to a point.
To save time, and potential public humiliation, take time to check your gauge.
8. I will not buy more Malabrigo. I will not buy more Malabrigo. I will not buy more Malabrigo.
9. I will continue to live my life according to the wisdom of Collette: “You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.”
10. I will drop a dress size before my wedding in June, but only if I contract tuberculosis.
And finally, in considering the arrival of the New Year, I’m afraid I cannot improve upon what Rainer Maria Rilke wrote: “And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.”
Happy New Year everyone!