Colonoscopy Jell-O Dee-lite
Yesterday morning, as I was reading the Sunday New York Times and nearly jumping out of my skin with fear, anxiety, dread, and horror as I obsessed about my upcoming colonoscopy on Wednesday morning contemplating the week to come with courage, dignity, and fortitude, I thought to myself, “How could I make the day before the colonoscopy—given that on Tuesday I will only be able to drink clear fluids and eat Jell-O, NOT RED! (emphasis original)—a little more, oh, festive, a little more fun?”
I announced to Alex, “I’m going to make some multi-layer Jell-O ‘salads’ for myself.”
“What?” he replied. “Are you sure you know how to do that?”
Oh, ye of little faith! Honey, I was raised a church-going Midwestern Protestant. My people know the multi-layer Jell-O salad. We know its engineering, we know its beauty, we know its power to heal.
We can make ’em with seven layers, each with a different embedded fruit or vegetable, quicker than you can say, “Potluck Sunday dinner!” We can make ’em to feed the multitudes, for multi-layer Jell-O salads are truly the loaves and fishes of the Midwest. And we know the palliative value of a multi-layer Jell-O salad, the way it can ease your anxiety, calm your nerves, and make you feel closer to Jesus.
That’s what I need right now.
Layer One: Orange, and naturally fat free!
It was a difficult aesthetic decision to choose the color for the second layer, because so much of the “tone” of the salad is determined by that choice.
Layer Two: Lime…and naturally fat free!
At that point, since I am disallowed the red and I can’t in good conscience condone new-fangled flavors like “Berry Blue,” I pretty much had to go with the lemon:
Et voilà ! A three-layer Colonoscopy Jell-O Dee-Lite! In a dog-themed glass.
Bon appétit!
I am also knitting to ease my nerves:
Whole sock, thusfar. Love that pink Fixation!
Eye-of-newt heel.
Lord willing, I’ll be back on Wednesday. Keep your fingers crossed, will you? And maybe make yourself a nice Jell-O salad in the meantime. Believe me, it’ll cure what ails you.
March 26th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Hi,
My husband just had his colonoscopy TODAY – the 26th! I WISHED I had thought of the multi-layered jello dish – would have been much more fulfilling for him yesterday – NO food for 24 + hours! We went straight to Chili’s after the procedure and woofed (LOVED your jello “molds”) down an awesome blossom. HE was the one who wanted it. I thought cool – but it’s YOUR stomach : ) ! Anyway – he’s fine. I’ll look forward to hearing about the event through your blog.
By the way – I sat knitting your wildflowers scarf in the waiting room. I have determined though that reading a pattern (any pattern) is much like reading a map – of which I am unable to do (totally directionally challenged). So I had to tear out the beginnings 3 times but I figured it out! I figure knitting is only going to improve those areas of mental abilities that I’m weak in … perseverance … perseverance … perseverance!
btb – I love the socks – pattern???
March 26th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
That’s just terrific!!! You had me cracking up and I found myself ready to call you to warn you off of fruit in the jello salad. But you, fo course were smart enough to know that fruit was a no-go. LOL.
I know it’s hard to convince you to be calm and that everything will be OK. But believe me…Every thing will be OK. Can I make you anything special to bring to you on Thursday. Some soda bread? An omelette? You name it!
Loving that sock by the way!
Sean
March 26th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Do you remember that jello 3 layer thing where each layer gets frothier as you go to the top. Anyway, I was just thinking about that.
March 26th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
I hope everything goes well. Enjoy your jello 🙂
March 26th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Oh. My. GOD! You MUST be one of my people! My mother has NEVER met a jello dessert that she didn’t love, and no holiday meal goes by without some sort of jello concoction. She is particularly partial to jello salads that combine (1) jello, of course, (2) nuts, (3) copious amounts of cream cheese and/or sour cream, and (4) canned fruit cocktail. At Christmas, she ALMOST forgot to make one & I felt compelled to text message my sister that NEAR DISASTER was averted when Mom remembered the jello late on Christmas Eve. We love to tease her about it, but honestly, it’d wouldn’t be a holiday without it.
Colonscopies, I don’t know. Good luck with that! I’ll be thinking of you!
March 26th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Oh, also, we are Midwestern CATHOLIC. And still the Jello. But, come to think of it, my mom is a CONVERT. That might explain the whole thing.
March 26th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
I myself feel that the layered Jell-O is greatly enhanced by the dog-themed glasses.
If I were there, I would make you a wine gelee–basically just Jell-O with a higher education.
March 26th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
I’m not sure which I like more…the doggie glasses or the socks. Hmmm, you can wear the socks while slurping the jello from those might cute glasses.
March 26th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
I actually found it easier to do without any food at all and that included Jello — but I did make DH eat all his meals out of the house and no coffee allowed in the house at all.
If you are a coffee drinker the coffee immediately after the procedure is the BEST ever (even if it is sucky coffee heheh)
Send me an email if you need to vent tomorrow — it is the worst part of the whole procedure honestly and that is just because you don’t dare get too far from the bathroom.
Wed. will breeze by and before you know it you will be home a bit sleepy but wondering why you stressed about it at all – 😀
Oh and I wore may brightest pair of handknit socks thru my procedure – 😀
March 26th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Oh, we Midwesterners do love our jello salads, don’t we? Do you remember “Under the Sea Salad? First layer: green jello plain; next layer: green jello w/ shredded cabbage and carrots; third layer: green jello w/ cottage cheese. Then unmold the whole thing on a bed of iceberg lettuce? Very ’50s. Gosh, that does give away my age, doesn’t it?
Let me know how the colonoscopy goes; I have to do my first one in May.
March 26th, 2007 at 11:52 pm
Oh lordy, love the dog glasses. Especially the pose of the English Bull Terrier. 😉 Hang in there, slurp the Jell-O! And I’m bettin’ you finish those socks before Wednesday, the rate you’re going. Better start another pair, just in case. Those are looking mighty fine, btw.
And I dunno if it’ll help, but keep reminding yourself, “It’s better than an angiogram and stent implantation, better than an angiogram and stent implantation…” Ok, so I haven’t had a colonoscopy to compare; but frankly, anything like that scares the hell out of people. It’s usually lots less horrifying than we think. There, see? Now you can mull lovingly on visions of pounding me over the head for such a stupid comment, instead of worrying about the– What was it again?. 😉 Hang in there, hon, we’ll be sending good thoughts! ::hugs::
March 27th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Good luck. I would say, I’ll be thinking of you, but in the circumstances I shouldn’t imagine you’d find it a comfort to know that people will be thinking of exactly what you’re doing. I’ll think of you knitting instead.
March 27th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Don’t worry about the colonoscopy, or as I like to call it the “over 50 booty prize”. They will give you the date rape drugs so you won’t remember a thing 🙂
Good luck with Wednesday!
March 27th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Cool pretty jello! Good luck tomorrow!
March 27th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
I have ulcerative colitis so colonoscopies are an annual event for me, but never did it cross my mind to go with the layered jello! As a Midwestern Protestant, I am ashamed. On the upside, the drugs are good. The last thing I remember from my most recent one was the nurse sticking the needle in my IV. Next thing I knew, I was on my way to Wendy’s for fries and a frosty. Good luck!
March 28th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Just a note, for those who were wondering, the procedure is over and it went fine — no dangerous signs at all. Ellen neither had a negative reaction to the sedation (she told me the same story twice in a row immediately afterwards, but other than that was pretty sure on her feet) and the “preparations” for it last night seem to have been pretty mild as well. Afterwards we went and got some pancakes. She is taking a nap now but I thought I would post an update for those on the edge of their seat…
August 15th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
I go for my first one on Friday! Woo Hoo! I thought I’d just do the boring plain jello. Since I didn’t plan ahead and make jello last night, I’m pretty much stuck with whatever I can throw together tonight.
I am not so much dreading the procedure as the prep for it. Drinking a gallon of stuff that will keep me glued to the potty tomrrow night doesn’t sound like much fun!
Wish me luck!